Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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