Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
