You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Even my vagina gasped.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
