Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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