it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
