did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
is it fun? or sober?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize