I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
