just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
