Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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