I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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