they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
