in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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