I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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