you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he fucked my hip out of place.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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