Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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