do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
