i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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