I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
no, he came in my armpit
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
