You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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