jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
