We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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