I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
