You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
