Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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