One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
