you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize