she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
