He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
