just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
