Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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