why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Floor bacon is actually really good
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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