we have pet lesbian snakes
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
high people should be assigned attendants
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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