I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
