one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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