I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
