So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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