We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
