So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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