First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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