you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Walk of Shame today included voting.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
