Rock
Scissors
Fuck
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
