i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
