In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
