Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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