dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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