I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
