if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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