found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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