i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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