I seem to have left my pride at pride
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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