I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
