I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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