Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
