A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize