I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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