i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
