1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
