that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
