they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
