Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
