White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
