So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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