Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
