just tell him i said nine months
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
