there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
