On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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