y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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