Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
