He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
